Just within the last few months I have lost 3 cousins to mental illness and addiction.
A few weeks ago, my 39 year old cousin Max committed suicide. Leaving his homeland and his friends and family to pursue a lifestyle he wasn’t raised he lived he spent his adult life in Germany, spiraling into a world of addiction and mental illness. There is no obit for him that I’m aware of, his parents just got his ashes from Germany. I’m not even am certain there has been a memorial for him as his parents are dealing with this very privately at this time.
Last Saturday my 34 year old cousin Samuel killed his 6 year old son and then himself after years of suffering from severe mental illness and addiction.
I was not close to either cousin but this has had a profound effect on me anyway, especially the latter, who took his little son with him. The complexity of knowing that behind a monster is a person who was also greatly loved and who greatly loved others especially his son.
To make matters worse, the family is well known in Utah and the story has been all over the news, first painting Sam, as a monster and only a monster but after interferences from friends they have started softening and painting Sam as more complex and a dotting father until the darkness overtook his mind and he wasn't.
https://www.legacy.com/us/obituaries/saltlaketribune/name/adlai-owen-obituary?id=55181655
https://www.legacy.com/us/obituaries/saltlaketribune/name/samuel-owen-obituary?id=55182741
https://www.sltrib.com/news/2024/05/24/man-accused-killing-son-ballpark/
This is the song that was sung at Sam memorial and it feels like the perfect fit.
I am working through grief right now, grief that’s complicated because I have not seen either cousin since childhood but I still am finding I need to express myself and that my heart is broken right now mostly for the pain and the trauma of my aunts and uncles who lost their children and grandchild.
My dad wrapping his arm around his baby brother during the song and as he prepares to speak at Sam’s memorial.
My uncle is the one who found Sam and Adlai and is still in a great state of shock at this time.
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